By Ralph Davis
I introduced myself to Lynda Lawlor, an unfamiliar face, at the Mathewson Street Friendship Breakfast about a month ago. I learned that she had come here from New Jersey to try to stop using drugs; to “Get clean.” My reporter instinct kicked in and she said that she would like to tell her story for Street Sight readers.
Less than six months ago, Lynda was hopelessly addicted to Crystal Meth, a very strong and highly addictive drug that causes both physical and psychological problems. As Lynda experienced, it was enjoyable at first but as her tolerance increased so did the desperate need and frequency to have more.
Meth addiction is considered one of the hardest to treat. As it progresses there often is a notable weight loss, a lack of interest in personal appearance, disrupted sleep habits, mood swings, and even psychotic behavior. Linda stated that she reached a state at one point that she could barely dress herself.
Lynda was born in Washington Township, NJ in 1985. She has one sibling, a younger brother Andrew. She was a decent student, played the flute and was in the school band. She was close to her father. She enjoyed sailing with him and her grandfather on the Chesapeake Bay on a number of occasions.
All that she knew and cared about crumbled when her father, diagnosed a schizophrenic, committed suicide when she was thirteen-years-old. She stopped caring about school, refusing to do her homework. She abandoned both the flute and the band.
From that point on she focused on friends, the social life, partying; living for the day with no concern about the future. Lynda eventually graduated high school.
It was in June of this year that Lynda made a highly unusual and desperate decision. She knew that she needed to get into a rehab facility and she knew exactly how to find one. She knew what she had to do but, she said, “I could not do that; I just could not stop…I absolutely could not stop.”
Lynda chose instead to deliberately get arrested for disorderly conduct so that she would be locked in to allow her to be away from the drug. Hopefully, she thought, to help her build up a little strength to not do it. Her time in jail should have been only a few days. Through an odd sequence of events, she was there for almost two weeks. Linda said that it was “Meant to be,” alluding to the fact that sees God intervening in her life back then.
Lynda said that Meth, “Changed everything about me. It changed my appearance and my mind…Oh my gosh, it completely warped all that I was.” She had been using it for eight consecutive years. Lynda went on to say, “…And it’s just now that I am finally starting to become completely fresh and back to how I was before.”
She started using meth as soon as she got out of jail but was determined that she had to stop. She also knew that she had to leave where she was living. This caused her to relocate to Providence because she had heard of a rehab program here. She said that she was high on meth all the way up to the door of the rehab program.
The program calls for a fifteen-month commitment. She chose, despite many protests from the staff, to leave after only six weeks. She delayed a week before she left because she wanted to make completely sure because, “I knew what I would be walking into, a big world of temptation and with nothing but the clothes on my back.” Despite the intense pressure for her to stay, she believed that she had gotten what she needed from the program and needed to move on, so she did.
“Mind over matter,” Lynda proclaimed, about her decision to leave the program. “I had arrived there exhausted; my whole body was tired. I was very emotional and just cried and cried the whole time.” She knew that the place was somewhere that she could rest and would be a safe place to stop doing drugs and that is just what happened. Her plan was to “Get clean and move on,” so she did. She was able to move into the Crossroads Woman’s Shelter. She said that “ There I had a bed to sleep in and it was a safe, monitored environment.”
Lynda perused Craigslist and began working for a hotel cleaning rooms, incredibly in South County, requiring her to endure a lengthy bus ride each day. Lynda said that is the perfect position as, being in a low point and rebuilding her life she does even have to interact with people much. She sees her role at the hotel as “Getting my foot in the door,” with growth potential. Lynda has goals now, aspirations; she views herself eventually in a management position there.
She has moved into a transitional house, her first step away from the shelter. She is saving her money with a goal towards buying a car as soon as possible since she is not at all fond of riding buses. Then, of course, to move into an apartment of her own.
Lynda admonishes our readers to stay true to their hearts, especially in situations where temptation comes in because when begin to ignore your heart, what you believe in and stand for, that’s how your life will be taken from you.
Lynda said, “That’s what happened to me. I pushed aside my morals and my beliefs for a drug. When the drug or person or situation is over and all that you have is yourself, you have already damaged your heart.
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Editor’s note: Lynda is a very determined, strong-minded woman who was able to successfully abandon her addiction to begin a better life. Although she was has made great strides even with leaving the recovery program after so short a time, each individual is different. This paper does not necessarily endorse anyone choosing to leave before staff feel that they are ready.
Lynda Lawlor.
Photo by Ralph Davis
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